Still Searching/Waiting

I am still searching and waiting for my next job to come along, I am getting concerned and fearful of what is going to happen. I'm trying to remain positive; however, the unemployment benefits will not cover our monthly expenses - no matter how much I trim the monthly expenses. I have not received any child support for 3 weeks now (I was receiving child support weekly). My ex will potentially start a new job this week so hopefully child support will begin again. He lost his job at the end of May. It was a temp position that ended. He is supposed to receive unemployment benefits as well and has a meeting with the unemployment office tomorrow to discuss why he is not receiving any benefits.

I went on a job interview Thursday. I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want the job, but can't take it due to the commute. I'm discouraged, but I will get over it. It is a great opportunity and would allow me to work on projects that I have wanted to go back to for a long time. I think the key words there are "back to". As much as I enjoy the work, I think there is something to be said about "going back". Maybe that is why God is blocking it. Maybe because it is time for a change. I just wish I knew what the "change" is supposed to be. My focus has been to find work that I can do from home. There is blogging, virtual admin work or there are positions in my field that allow for flexible working arrangements. I have tried direct selling companies in the past and it is not my thing. I do still submit my resume to positions that are not based at home just to see where God is leading me; however, I am very passionate about being at home for the kids.

I believe my place is at home right now. It's just a matter of finding a way to earn a living while being home. I love this time with the kids and do not want it to end. Hopefully, some doors will open very soon that will allow me to earn a living and stay home.

I have another job that I interviewed for one week ago. I should hear today about whether or not the company wants to move forward with interviewing me.

Trying to meditate on:

Matthew 7:7 Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

Psalm 111:5 He provides food for those who fear him;

he remembers his covenant forever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Challenges

My life is certainly challenging currently.

Challenges
Unemployed
No medical insurance while enduring health issues
Single parent
Limited financial resources

While I am making a list of things that are not going well in my life, I should also make a list of what I have to be thankful for.

Blessings
Overall good health
Kids are healthy
Awesome church family
We have a roof over our head
We have food in the refrigerator
I get to spend more time with my kids
I get to focus on projects around the house I did not have time for when I was working
I can explore new and different options for income earning
I'm learning to slow down
My parents have been helpful financially through these difficult times. It's teaching me to appreciate them more.

I'm sure there are many more blessings that do not come to mind at this moment. But notice how the list of blessings is longer than the list of challenges. I think that is true for all of us. If we will take the time to make a list of what is going good and what is not going good in our lives, we will find that the good outweighs the bad.

We need to keep a healthy perspective when thinking about how there are others who have it far worse. It is good to think about how we still have opportunities to help people even when we feel at our lowest. But not at the expense of minimizing our own situations. Because others have it worse does not mean that we are wrong to have the feelings we have. We just can't allow the feelings to have us. We have to rise above our feelings and push through with what God has in store for us.

Job is a man of the Bible who suffered far worse than I probably ever will. We read in Job 1 how God allowed Satan to bring about trouble in Job's life. Notice in the verses below how God tells Satan what he can and cannot do to Job.

Job 1:9 "Does Job fear God for nothing?” Satan replied. 10“Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. 11 But now stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face.”12 The Lord said to Satan, “Very well, then, everything he has is in your power, but on the man himself do not lay a finger.”Then Satan went out from the presence of the Lord.

The same is true for us. God allows Satan to cause certain problems in our lives. What we need to remember is that it is Satan that is causing the problems and it is only what God will allow. God allows challenges and difficulties for us to grow in our faith. We should be thankful for the challenges as much as the blessings.

Job 2:10b  Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?”  In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.
                                                                                                                                                             Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Anonymity

When I started this blog, I wanted to stay anonymous. I will remain anonymous for now, but it is something that has been weighing on my heart.

My purpose behind remaining anonymous has been to protect the privacy of others as I share my story. I know my family does not want me to share my story as far is it includes them. I struggle with this since it is my story and I have the right to tell it.

I started this blog because I truly feel led by God to do this. Being unemployed, I believe this is my opportunity to do something completely different and that God intends for me to do something different. I'm not sure where this is going since I am not the greatest writer. I know the more I write, the better I will become. I believe part of God's purpose in this is for me to become more comfortable in being "transparent"; however, I can't be transparent while being anonymous.

I have always struggled with being open and honest about my feelings and my circumstances. I was once someone who judged others and I was raised to be concerned about what others think. I believe pride has a part in it as well.

Psalm 56:11 in God I trust and am not afraid. What can man do to me?

Psalm 10:4 In his pride the wicked man does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God.

In my Faith Story post, I mentioned that my marriage appeared to be perfect from the outside. We married. Then we bought a house. Then we had a son. Then we had a daughter. It was all picture perfect on the outside. When the light bulb finally went off in my head that it was all a facade, I could not get out fast enough. Again, this was before I was a Christian. I don't think people should run to the hills when they realize their marriage is a farce.

What it did make me realize is that I needed to stop trying to be something I am not. I have been divorced for 6.5 years now and I am still single. I have not even had a boyfriend. I haven't been on a date for a few years. I am sometimes concerned about what people think of that. Personally, I don't want to be in a relationship. I get exhausted just thinking about it. I also know that is part of the problem. My point in saying all of this is to say that maybe God's will for my life is to be single and celibate for the remainder. I don't think I like that idea, but I also don't want to be in a relationship. I can't have it both ways.

The same thing with motherhood. I think all mothers struggle with the pressures of motherhood. We should talk about what we struggle with and not be ashamed of it.

Jumping from one topic to another is something I need to work on with these posts. In the end, what I am trying to say is that we each need to embrace our own path. God's will for each and everyone of us is different. We have to stop comparing ourselves to others and focus on being who God made each of us to be - all while lifting each other up.