I know feelings are fickle and we should not allow them to control us. Probably one of the hardest things in life is to not allow your feelings to get the best of you.
Monday and yesterday, I was full of hope and felt like I was on top of the world and part of me still does. I have 2 potential gigs for virtual admin work for local business owners. I also have a call in to the local paper to do a paper route. I'm feeling good about the potential and excited about the possibilities! I won't be rolling in dough, but I will be able to realize I my dream of working from home so I can be around more for the kids. I won't have benefits, but that is a bridge I can cross after I am established.
Today has been an "odd" day. Anybody who is or has been on unemployment in the State of Illinois knows that you have to "certify" every other week before you will get your benefits. When you certify, you are basically telling the State whether you worked during the previous 2 weeks or if you turned down work. I have to certify every other Monday. I did on Monday, well at least I thought I did. I have direct deposit set-up with the State and the funds show up in my account on the Wednesday after I certify. Well, the funds were not there today. My mind starts racing since that money was going to go towards rent. On top of it all, I have not received any child support money for a month now. My ex just started working again last week so I should start seeing money from him again within the next couple of weeks.
I also need to muster all the courage possible to talk with my Landlord. My lease is up in August and I need to talk about renewing. I also need to admit that I am unemployed and allow them to make a decision on if they want to renew the lease with me. This is where I need to swallow my pride.
Today, I have been constantly reminding myself that God is in control.
Matthew 6:26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life Or single cubit to your height?
It's hard not to worry, but meditating on this truth is very helpful. We can't live by our feelings. I used to say that if I lived by my feelings, I would never make it to work. Being unemployed currently doesn't make that a valid statement for me anymore, but I think you get the point. Sometimes I don't feel like being a mom, but I still have to take care of my kids. I never want to clean, but it has to be done.
Meditating on the truth that God is in control and will provide for my needs is more comfort than any worldly thing or person could possibly provide!
Showing posts with label pride. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pride. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Anonymity
When I started this blog, I wanted to stay anonymous. I will remain anonymous for now, but it is something that has been weighing on my heart.
My purpose behind remaining anonymous has been to protect the privacy of others as I share my story. I know my family does not want me to share my story as far is it includes them. I struggle with this since it is my story and I have the right to tell it.
I started this blog because I truly feel led by God to do this. Being unemployed, I believe this is my opportunity to do something completely different and that God intends for me to do something different. I'm not sure where this is going since I am not the greatest writer. I know the more I write, the better I will become. I believe part of God's purpose in this is for me to become more comfortable in being "transparent"; however, I can't be transparent while being anonymous.
I have always struggled with being open and honest about my feelings and my circumstances. I was once someone who judged others and I was raised to be concerned about what others think. I believe pride has a part in it as well.
Psalm 56:11 in God I trust and am not afraid. What can man do to me?
Psalm 10:4 In his pride the wicked man does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God.
In my Faith Story post, I mentioned that my marriage appeared to be perfect from the outside. We married. Then we bought a house. Then we had a son. Then we had a daughter. It was all picture perfect on the outside. When the light bulb finally went off in my head that it was all a facade, I could not get out fast enough. Again, this was before I was a Christian. I don't think people should run to the hills when they realize their marriage is a farce.
What it did make me realize is that I needed to stop trying to be something I am not. I have been divorced for 6.5 years now and I am still single. I have not even had a boyfriend. I haven't been on a date for a few years. I am sometimes concerned about what people think of that. Personally, I don't want to be in a relationship. I get exhausted just thinking about it. I also know that is part of the problem. My point in saying all of this is to say that maybe God's will for my life is to be single and celibate for the remainder. I don't think I like that idea, but I also don't want to be in a relationship. I can't have it both ways.
The same thing with motherhood. I think all mothers struggle with the pressures of motherhood. We should talk about what we struggle with and not be ashamed of it.
Jumping from one topic to another is something I need to work on with these posts. In the end, what I am trying to say is that we each need to embrace our own path. God's will for each and everyone of us is different. We have to stop comparing ourselves to others and focus on being who God made each of us to be - all while lifting each other up.
My purpose behind remaining anonymous has been to protect the privacy of others as I share my story. I know my family does not want me to share my story as far is it includes them. I struggle with this since it is my story and I have the right to tell it.
I started this blog because I truly feel led by God to do this. Being unemployed, I believe this is my opportunity to do something completely different and that God intends for me to do something different. I'm not sure where this is going since I am not the greatest writer. I know the more I write, the better I will become. I believe part of God's purpose in this is for me to become more comfortable in being "transparent"; however, I can't be transparent while being anonymous.
I have always struggled with being open and honest about my feelings and my circumstances. I was once someone who judged others and I was raised to be concerned about what others think. I believe pride has a part in it as well.
Psalm 56:11 in God I trust and am not afraid. What can man do to me?
Psalm 10:4 In his pride the wicked man does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God.
In my Faith Story post, I mentioned that my marriage appeared to be perfect from the outside. We married. Then we bought a house. Then we had a son. Then we had a daughter. It was all picture perfect on the outside. When the light bulb finally went off in my head that it was all a facade, I could not get out fast enough. Again, this was before I was a Christian. I don't think people should run to the hills when they realize their marriage is a farce.
What it did make me realize is that I needed to stop trying to be something I am not. I have been divorced for 6.5 years now and I am still single. I have not even had a boyfriend. I haven't been on a date for a few years. I am sometimes concerned about what people think of that. Personally, I don't want to be in a relationship. I get exhausted just thinking about it. I also know that is part of the problem. My point in saying all of this is to say that maybe God's will for my life is to be single and celibate for the remainder. I don't think I like that idea, but I also don't want to be in a relationship. I can't have it both ways.
The same thing with motherhood. I think all mothers struggle with the pressures of motherhood. We should talk about what we struggle with and not be ashamed of it.
Jumping from one topic to another is something I need to work on with these posts. In the end, what I am trying to say is that we each need to embrace our own path. God's will for each and everyone of us is different. We have to stop comparing ourselves to others and focus on being who God made each of us to be - all while lifting each other up.
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