Sunday, June 16, 2013

Father's Day

This is a day where I have mixed emotions.

My father, whom I love dearly, is not a Christian. He tries his best to be there for me during this difficult time in my life, but he and I do not have the same beliefs. I know who is in control in my life which makes it hard to explain to my earthly father some of the decisions I make. I know it is me following God's lead, but my earthly father would not understand this.

My dad is not someone I can go to for advice. This is where I turn to God and my Christian friends. If I need money for food or Christmas presents, my dad is there. My dad recently bought me a new printer and pool passes for me and the kids. My mom is somewhat a part of what my dad does. I'm not sure if she would give as freely with money as my dad does on her own. If my dad talks to her about what he wants to do for me, then she will go along, but I don't think she would do these things on her own.

My dad has prostate cancer. He is going to have his prostate removed on June 25th. It was this past December when the possiblity became known. Yet, the doctor did not schedule the biopsy until February. We knew it was going to be cancer, but yet the words nearly knocked me off my chair when the results were in. Prostate cancer is slow growing and 100% survivable if caught before it spreads. Thankfully, the cancer has not spread for my dad, but yet here it is June and he is finally having the surgery. The surgery was originally scheduled for June 11th, but was postponed due to a piece of equipment that needed to be repaired. These delays concern me. Even though we know the cancer has not spread, the longer this takes the higher the chances are that the cancer will spread. I have said to my dad from the beginning that there does not appear to be any sense of urgency with this. My dad seems to be fine with this so I back off. It's not my health or my life. I pray that God will heal my father.

The thought of losing my dad is as scary to me as it is to anyone who has or will lose their father. What is most scary is where my father will spend eternity. I don't want to lose my father on earth, but I would feel better about it if I knew that he was saved and going to heaven to be with Jesus. I pray that God will give me the opportunity and my father the open heart to accept Jesus before my father leaves this world. I pray that not just for my father, but for my brothers and my mother as well.

Then there is the father of my 2 children. They are with him today because it is father's day. He is another one who is not a Christian. We do not co-parent. I raise the children and I don't ask for his input. Maybe that is narcissist on my part, but he and I do not agree and his lifestyle does not reflect anything I want my children to follow. He does not provide for his children in the ways he should, he swears, he barks out orders at the kids and expects them to just listen, he has a girlfriend who spends the night in his bed with him when the kids are there. The list goes on and on. I pray for him to come to Jesus. I had to let go of how he is a long time ago. I have no control of what goes on at his house and as long as it is not illegal or brings physical harm to my children, there is nothing I can do. My children, God Bless them, they even tell me how they try and talk to their dad about Jesus.

Lord, I pray for all who are struggling with their lack of earthly father figures in their lives. I pray you will show Yourself to them and how they can lean on You and trust You to provide for them. I pray for the parents who are both father and mother to their child(ren). I pray for strength for them to endure and guidance from You on how to parent them appropriately. I also pray for the children who do not have godly fathers in their lives. I pray you will provide godly father figures for these children. To you be the glory forever and ever. In Jesus Name, amen!!!

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