I know feelings are fickle and we should not allow them to control us. Probably one of the hardest things in life is to not allow your feelings to get the best of you.
Monday and yesterday, I was full of hope and felt like I was on top of the world and part of me still does. I have 2 potential gigs for virtual admin work for local business owners. I also have a call in to the local paper to do a paper route. I'm feeling good about the potential and excited about the possibilities! I won't be rolling in dough, but I will be able to realize I my dream of working from home so I can be around more for the kids. I won't have benefits, but that is a bridge I can cross after I am established.
Today has been an "odd" day. Anybody who is or has been on unemployment in the State of Illinois knows that you have to "certify" every other week before you will get your benefits. When you certify, you are basically telling the State whether you worked during the previous 2 weeks or if you turned down work. I have to certify every other Monday. I did on Monday, well at least I thought I did. I have direct deposit set-up with the State and the funds show up in my account on the Wednesday after I certify. Well, the funds were not there today. My mind starts racing since that money was going to go towards rent. On top of it all, I have not received any child support money for a month now. My ex just started working again last week so I should start seeing money from him again within the next couple of weeks.
I also need to muster all the courage possible to talk with my Landlord. My lease is up in August and I need to talk about renewing. I also need to admit that I am unemployed and allow them to make a decision on if they want to renew the lease with me. This is where I need to swallow my pride.
Today, I have been constantly reminding myself that God is in control.
Matthew 6:26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life Or single cubit to your height?
It's hard not to worry, but meditating on this truth is very helpful. We can't live by our feelings. I used to say that if I lived by my feelings, I would never make it to work. Being unemployed currently doesn't make that a valid statement for me anymore, but I think you get the point. Sometimes I don't feel like being a mom, but I still have to take care of my kids. I never want to clean, but it has to be done.
Meditating on the truth that God is in control and will provide for my needs is more comfort than any worldly thing or person could possibly provide!