Anonymity

When I started this blog, I wanted to stay anonymous. I will remain anonymous for now, but it is something that has been weighing on my heart.

My purpose behind remaining anonymous has been to protect the privacy of others as I share my story. I know my family does not want me to share my story as far is it includes them. I struggle with this since it is my story and I have the right to tell it.

I started this blog because I truly feel led by God to do this. Being unemployed, I believe this is my opportunity to do something completely different and that God intends for me to do something different. I'm not sure where this is going since I am not the greatest writer. I know the more I write, the better I will become. I believe part of God's purpose in this is for me to become more comfortable in being "transparent"; however, I can't be transparent while being anonymous.

I have always struggled with being open and honest about my feelings and my circumstances. I was once someone who judged others and I was raised to be concerned about what others think. I believe pride has a part in it as well.

Psalm 56:11 in God I trust and am not afraid. What can man do to me?

Psalm 10:4 In his pride the wicked man does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God.

In my Faith Story post, I mentioned that my marriage appeared to be perfect from the outside. We married. Then we bought a house. Then we had a son. Then we had a daughter. It was all picture perfect on the outside. When the light bulb finally went off in my head that it was all a facade, I could not get out fast enough. Again, this was before I was a Christian. I don't think people should run to the hills when they realize their marriage is a farce.

What it did make me realize is that I needed to stop trying to be something I am not. I have been divorced for 6.5 years now and I am still single. I have not even had a boyfriend. I haven't been on a date for a few years. I am sometimes concerned about what people think of that. Personally, I don't want to be in a relationship. I get exhausted just thinking about it. I also know that is part of the problem. My point in saying all of this is to say that maybe God's will for my life is to be single and celibate for the remainder. I don't think I like that idea, but I also don't want to be in a relationship. I can't have it both ways.

The same thing with motherhood. I think all mothers struggle with the pressures of motherhood. We should talk about what we struggle with and not be ashamed of it.

Jumping from one topic to another is something I need to work on with these posts. In the end, what I am trying to say is that we each need to embrace our own path. God's will for each and everyone of us is different. We have to stop comparing ourselves to others and focus on being who God made each of us to be - all while lifting each other up.